The Masai Market

I almost forgot! Before we went out for dinner and drinks in Nairobi, we were taken to the Masai Market. I'm going to struggle to describe this experience, but let me make an attempt.

The Masai Market is a an open air market in downtown. It is in a walled courtyard and is PACKED with vendors. My understanding is that everyone inside is from a particular tribe of Masai people and they earn their living by hand crafting items to be sold. You can buy clothes, jewelry, artwork, utensils, toys, trinkets, blankets, all sorts of things. But here's where the act of purchasing an item goes sideways in a hurry.

When you enter the market, you are confronted with a cloud of arms and legs and loud voices yelling in swahili. What is happening is a group of personal shoppers is fighting over the right to shop with you. I have no clue if they're actually called personal shoppers, but it's the best title I can think of. After a brief argument, Casimba and Moses had beaten back the competition and had won the right to guide me through the market. As we walked, Casimba, the lead shopper, explained the ground rules.

Rule #1: Anything you see that you like, we put in the plastic bag as a "maybe". (I later learned that "maybe" loosely translates into swahili as "an item that I thought I might like, and now am forced to purchase for fear of insulting my personal shopper")

Rule #2: After I have directed you to the vendors that I want you to see, we will retire to a private square foot of space and haggle over the price of everything. Of course, he didn't use the ugly word "haggle", he said we would "discuss" the purchase price.

That's about it, two rules. Outside of that, anything goes in the Masai Market. Teenagers with babies will ask for money, heavily intoxicated vendors will verbally berate you if you bypass their blanket full of shiny baubles. More teenagers with babies will ask for money. Your personal shopper will drag you past drink vendors, who scream at you, to show you their sister's blanket...and their brother's blanket...and their own blanket...and their cousin's brother's uncle's blanket...etc.

After a few minutes, I realized that this is absolute insanity and showing ANY weakness or insecurity will only result in a steadier onslaught of aggressive sales pitches. I finally had collected a small batch of things that I thought I might want. Casimba and Moses guided me to a spot where the real fun began.

He opened with a bid that probably could have sent four Kenyans to college for 8 years. I countered with the going rate for a Happy Meal. We went back and forth, removed items, replaced items, consulted the vendor for a "best price", discussed family, the exchange rate, the weather, American football, and after 20 minutes landed on a price that was agreeable to both parties. I ended up spending a little more than I intended, but I'll consider it a representation of the entertainment value of the whole process.

It seemed like everyone else managed pretty well. I still have no idea how Dave managed to avoid picking up a personal shopper, experience I suppose. He picked his way through and haggled with the individual vendors. Kenny was the only one that seemed stressed and primarily by the little mothers begging for money. Some of them could be quite persistent and, well, Kenny eventually resorted to telling them to "Go away!!" It was a test of anyone's patience to be sure. We were all glad to finally get clear of the market and find a bar to chill our nerves.