Driving in Kenya

I'm going to try to discuss the perilous nature of driving in Kenya (at least in and around Nairobi) without being hyper-critical...I may not be successful.

First off, we do not drive here. We are driven by EMTs and fire fighters from the area. I'm not even sure I would attempt to drive here. I've driven in NYC and Boston. I've driven in Florida where the average age of vehicle operators is about 150 years old and cars are more aimed than driven. I've even driven across Costa Rica, where the pot holes are bigger than the cars and traffic stops for monkey crossings. None of these experiences could have prepared me for the roadways of Kenya.

Lanes are marked but clearly optional. I believe that the intent is to have everyone drive on the left, like in England, but, seeing as lanes are more optional guidelines than hard, fast rules, traffic moves in both directions, in all lanes simultaneously....and at speeds that would make Jeff Gordon cry like a little baby! Motorcycle taxis called boda bodas practice their motor cross skills, with passengers, holding children, without helmets. They weave in and out of traffic, fly across medians, bounce onto the shoulder and criss cross the "lanes". Matatus, taxi vans holding up to 13 people legally, and 20 passengers typically, suddenly pull to the left to pick up passengers lined up on the side of the road, pack themselves to the point of over-flowing and then sharply turn right and "merge" into traffic.

Once you enter the highway, it is vital that your life insurance is paid in full and you have prepared your kidneys for an onslaught. The highway has a posted speed limit of 80 KPH. I'd do the conversion to MPH for you, but it's irrelevant. The speed limit on the highway is speed at which whatever vehicle you're in stops accelerating when the pedal has found the floorboard. Some newer cars and SUVs top out at speeds somewhere between "what was that white blur" and "oh my God, Halley's Comet is back!" Older cars and trucks loaded with things like dirt, rocks, people, pipes, or any combination of these items, travel at more moderate speeds, maybe only "holy crap, I didn't know a 1978 Toyota Corolla could go that fast".

In an effort to curb the growing problem of motor vehicle crashes on the highway (I couldn't imagine why they have so many accidents!), the highway authorities decided to implement a plan to slow traffic down. After careful consideration, it was decided that the best way to slow drivers was to place speed bumps...on the highway. They've used two distinct types of speed bumps. Some are three smaller bumps placed right next to each other, the others are large humps, just slightly smaller than a Volkswagen Beetle. Sometimes people slow down for the speed bumps, other times they accelerate in an attempt to clear the pedestrians that use the "slowed" traffic to cross all 4 lanes of traffic. It is my humble opinion that the speed bumps have not only failed to slow traffic in any appreciable way, but that they are very likely resulting in increased incidence of kidney damage and lower back injuries. In Kenya, just driving down the road can cause spinal cord trauma, no impact required!